Imagine you are an avid lover of coffee. I mean, who doesn’t
like coffee? Beans artfully roasted to an aromatic crisp and then meticulously
stripped of its life-giving essence. But you know what, I get it. Some people
like it. Some people don’t. And that is quite fine.
Now further imagine that there is this guy (let’s call him
Paul) who insists that, for some reason, you are not permitted to have coffee.
“Why is that?”, you inquire.
“I don’t like it.” Paul retorts.
“Erm… so? You don’t have to partake in it…”. Your brows furrow
in puzzlement.
“I don’t like it. I don’t want you to have it. I don’t want other
people to have it. I don’t want my children to imbibe this black fluid. Drinking
coffee is revolting and no one should be allowed to sip this shit.”
“But it is not repulsive to coffee drinkers.”
“Were you born loving coffee?”, Paul demands.
“Well, no. Not personally. Some people are coffee drinkers
from day one. Some realize they like coffee after sampling various beverages."
“Ah hah,
see! You were not born with it.”, Paul sounded triumphant.
“I don’t think I am following…”
“This means
you can change your drinking preference.”
“But I don’t understand why I should have to change my drinking
preference just because it was not an in-born trait.”
“What is so difficult to
comprehend? It is a choice. This means that coffee-drinkers may be able to
influence other people to switch to coffee. And these hipster cafes are not
helping at all. What with their constant listing of coffee on their menus. It
is almost like coffee was the most normal beverage to order. “
“You are really starting to lose me. It seems rather
unlikely that tea drinkers would be influenced to switch to coffee, just
because coffee is listed as an option on the menu. And also, what exactly is
wrong with drinking coffee?”
“What? It
is obvious coffee is bad. My Father said so.”
“Your good Father also said that shrimp, pork, and shellfish
are bad. You seem to enjoy your lobster and bacon just fine.”
“You are
taking it out of context.”
“And what exactly is this context?”
“You are
cherry picking the prohibitions laid down by my Father.”
“Erm, no. You are the one doing the cherry picking.”
“I don’t even
like cherries.”
“Huh?”
“Look, think
about the children! They are going to walk around and see people drinking
coffee. Their malleable young minds are under assault. This is child abuse and
we cannot have that.”
“I honestly don’t see what’s wrong with that. Speaking of
which, isn’t it worse then that your Father had indoctrinated you with
ridiculous and arbitrary beliefs about “untouchable” foods when you were a “malleable
young mind”.” Is that not child abuse?
“You take that back! How dare you
slander my Father. Of all people, you should know that mocking my Father is
a punishable crime!”
“So when coffee-drinkers tell their children it is okay to
love coffee, it is taking advantage of their naiveté. When your Father does it, it is a
constitutionally protected right. You can’t have it both ways.”
“Double standards are acceptable
when protecting society from the ills of coffee drinking.”
“But coffee drinking does no one any harm. Why don’t you
just live and let live and accept that not everyone subscribes to your taste?”
“What are you talking about?
There is harm aplenty. I can cite at least one research backing up the adverse
effects of caffeine.”
“And for each of those, there are at least ten other peer-reviewed
journals suggesting otherwise. I believe the science is pretty settled on this
one.”
“No it is not. I am sure you have
heard numerous anecdotal stories about coffee drinkers scalding themselves due
to unsafe drinking practices.”
“Yes but look, if you indulge in unsafe and promiscuous drinking
practices, these risks present themselves, whether you are a coffee drinker or a tea
drinker.”
“Your point
being..?”
“Jesus, my point being there is no reason to single out coffee! Your objection should be towards unsafe drinking practices, not coffee per se!”
“Bah, you can argue all you want.
Coffee drinking is morally contemptible. And to say that it is just as
acceptable as tea drinking is to destroy the sanctity of Tea.”
“What? The sanctity of tea..? Goodness, this is ridiculous. You cannot dictate what other
people can have or cannot have based on your own preferences. This is beverage bigotry.”
“As expected, you are resorting to name-calling.
That is so disrespectful. Calling me a bigot for my coffee intolerance is being
intolerant of my intolerant views. You are just as guilty.”
“I hope you know that the expression “tolerance” loses its
meaning if it is also expected to be extended to intolerance.”
“Now you
have lost me.”
“Not unexpectedly, if I may say so.”
“Was that a jibe? I hope you realise
that your condescending attitude wins you no arguments or friends.”
“Not friends worth having. But it wins arguments all right.”